Lisa, I love this! The idea of a train as an encapsulation of human emotion is wonderful. I think you've changed the way I'll look at a train rushing by in the future. Thanks so much for sharing this.
All the human passengers, bearing what they bear. And dogs, though. And the train itself, listening to its passengers. And hope! I love the spaciousness of this poem, Lisa -- room in it for everything that's there.
A little longer just a little longer and the train will come
and carry you away
Or will it??
What is a train?
a line of cars
Like a poem, one little moving room after another
each one with a cargo of words
or not a cargo, but rather a congregation
each with a community of passengers, praying.
There it goes, leaving you behind
still waiting, the ghost train of your dream
you forgot to climb aboard
so in love with the waiting
with the stationary life
you missed the opportunity
You should know by now
that trains come and go
dreams come and go
the waiting is all, the readiness
the stillness
All day long you dream of going
But in the end you cannot tear yourself away.
All alone-- this is the solitude you longed for.
Today, this is the day
breathe, breathe.
this is the day.
***
My fingers kept typing yes instead of yet, so I went with it. Instead of starting each stanza with a word, I ended up burying them. This is just loose associations of ideas, stream of consciousness, dreamy going with the flow. But I rather like how it came out. Maybe I'll do something with it. Or maybe I'll let it stand.
Fabulous! I love idea of a train station as a metaphor for all the waiting we do in life, and the idea that there will always be another train. I find this both a bit melancholy and also hopeful. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.
This speaks to me soooooo much, Melanie, as someone who's so much more comfortable sitting still and waiting than putting myself in motion...! Some people need to learn how to sit and wait and Be; I need to practice standing up and climbing on to the train. 🙃 This poem has something to say to both sorts of people. 💛
Chills from your piece! I gave it a try as well. I was thinking about being on a precipice, similar to the moment of waiting at a train station just before it comes down the tracks.
I'm so glad you shared this! You build such a sense of anticipation all along, steeling yourself for action, for the sensory assault of smoke and sound, and then that last line! Oof! No train! We were all set to jump aboard! Love it.
Before I run off to write a poem attempt (I like that), I have to tell you that the "omit adverbs" advice you gave last week has stuck with me. I went through a recent poem and pulled out all the adverbs and I'm pretty dang sure it's a better poem now. I now want to sift through all my poems with the adverb comb (like a comb for lice, I guess?!).
I know, right??!? It's kind of amazing how effective it is. I tell you, On Writing is such an amazing book. Stephen King has some good advice on writing. And he's also a stand-up guy in his local community and does a ton to support libraries.
I’ve heard so many good things about “On Writing” (I just put it on hold). I’m currently trying to race through the rest of “Writing Down the Bones” by Natalie Goldberg before the library takes it back tomorrow morning. That’s been a really good one too.
I think I've been absorbing "foreboding" from the air lately. I'm really trying not to give in to doom and gloom, but things just feel so dire. This poem definitely came out of the current moment!
Tara, everyone's spinning over the last two lines of your poem, and with good reason ... !
I finally got organized enough to attempt a poem! The cadence and meter in Millay's lines has been speaking to me, and I wanted to respond in a cadenced way. This week's line just made me sad and sadder, until I Opposite-Day'd it; then things took off.
Elizabeth! Hooray! I'm so glad you're here. And your poem is so delicately crafted, and it rhymes! That's a super power. I particularly love how "the station pulls away" instead of the train. It really puts the speaker and the journey the center of this poem's universe. And thank you for dropping so many lovely comments and encouragement for everybody. You're a gem.
This looks very interesting. I just subscribed with the hopes to get involved every now and then! It reminds me of something we did in one of the poetry classes for my M.A. in Creative Writing!
Love the 'poem attempt', I think it is a lovely way to think about first drafts and hastily written words... Here's my 'attempt'
.
There isn't a train goes by all day
that doesn't carry on it
hearts filled with grief
and disappointment
that isn't filled with loss,
love, and unspoken dreams.
There isn't a train goes by all day
that isn't packed full
of commuters rushing to a job
that they hate
or returning from one,
desperate for some down time
or something to take
the edge off it all.
There isn't a train goes by all day
that hasn't listened to the stories
of it's passengers, as they talk
about their day, their week, their life,
dogs sit patiently, and revel in the attention
pats and smiles, from the humans
they impress with their presence
There isn't a train goes by all day
where you cannot find
hope
sitting
on a faded, grubby, and well worn seat
Lisa, I love this! The idea of a train as an encapsulation of human emotion is wonderful. I think you've changed the way I'll look at a train rushing by in the future. Thanks so much for sharing this.
Thanks Tara! :)
All the human passengers, bearing what they bear. And dogs, though. And the train itself, listening to its passengers. And hope! I love the spaciousness of this poem, Lisa -- room in it for everything that's there.
Yes it is lonely here
Yes it is quiet
Yet there is peace
Maybe a reason to stay?
There you sit
there you stand
there you kneel
I mean here, here at the station
the place of waiting.
It isn't hard, the waiting,
once you get the hang of it
you will want it more and more and more
You will want to drown yourself in it
A little longer just a little longer and the train will come
and carry you away
Or will it??
What is a train?
a line of cars
Like a poem, one little moving room after another
each one with a cargo of words
or not a cargo, but rather a congregation
each with a community of passengers, praying.
There it goes, leaving you behind
still waiting, the ghost train of your dream
you forgot to climb aboard
so in love with the waiting
with the stationary life
you missed the opportunity
You should know by now
that trains come and go
dreams come and go
the waiting is all, the readiness
the stillness
All day long you dream of going
But in the end you cannot tear yourself away.
All alone-- this is the solitude you longed for.
Today, this is the day
breathe, breathe.
this is the day.
***
My fingers kept typing yes instead of yet, so I went with it. Instead of starting each stanza with a word, I ended up burying them. This is just loose associations of ideas, stream of consciousness, dreamy going with the flow. But I rather like how it came out. Maybe I'll do something with it. Or maybe I'll let it stand.
Fabulous! I love idea of a train station as a metaphor for all the waiting we do in life, and the idea that there will always be another train. I find this both a bit melancholy and also hopeful. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.
This speaks to me soooooo much, Melanie, as someone who's so much more comfortable sitting still and waiting than putting myself in motion...! Some people need to learn how to sit and wait and Be; I need to practice standing up and climbing on to the train. 🙃 This poem has something to say to both sorts of people. 💛
Oh bah. The formatting was lost when I hit enter. No stanzas.
I know, you can't hang onto formatting in comments, which is very annoying.
Weird, I just noticed that the formatting is there when I look at it in the app on my phone. Just not in the web browser on my computer.
Chills from your piece! I gave it a try as well. I was thinking about being on a precipice, similar to the moment of waiting at a train station just before it comes down the tracks.
I stand at the tracks
With a suitcase full of want.
Soon I will clutch
it to my chest and leap.
I will ride that burning
machine end to end.
Stick my neck out
The window as she roars.
I brace for smoke
and a piercing whistle, yet
there isn’t a train goes by all day.
I'm so glad you shared this! You build such a sense of anticipation all along, steeling yourself for action, for the sensory assault of smoke and sound, and then that last line! Oof! No train! We were all set to jump aboard! Love it.
Thanks, I love the idea behind this project - makes me want to try something similar with another favourite poem ❤️
Oh, so ready, but then....! I hope your narrator finds a train to leap on to, Candace.
Haha me too!
I loved this! The build up, then mic drop at the end—so good!
Aw thanks so much, Hannah! Love your the twist in yours as well 👀
Here's mine. I wanted to make sure my italics came through. Plus, it made me happy to work on it in today's smaller writing/posting margin: https://open.substack.com/pub/margaretannsilver/p/yet-there-isnt-a-train-goes-by-all?r=2ghube&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
This turned out a bit darker than I intended, but it’s what came out. I am not one to share, but I loved your idea of “poem attempts,” so here’s mine:
All day goes by yet there isn’t a train
Was I expecting to see one?
The station is empty, not a soul around
And my patience is not yet outrun.
“When one door closes, another one opens,”
I heard someone once said.
I’m waiting and watching fruitlessly
Not knowing the conductor is dead.
Ooh, feels like a meditation on futility. Love it. I'm so glad you decided to share!
Before I run off to write a poem attempt (I like that), I have to tell you that the "omit adverbs" advice you gave last week has stuck with me. I went through a recent poem and pulled out all the adverbs and I'm pretty dang sure it's a better poem now. I now want to sift through all my poems with the adverb comb (like a comb for lice, I guess?!).
I know, right??!? It's kind of amazing how effective it is. I tell you, On Writing is such an amazing book. Stephen King has some good advice on writing. And he's also a stand-up guy in his local community and does a ton to support libraries.
I’ve heard so many good things about “On Writing” (I just put it on hold). I’m currently trying to race through the rest of “Writing Down the Bones” by Natalie Goldberg before the library takes it back tomorrow morning. That’s been a really good one too.
I really like the last two lines: how can I be vigilant enough/to hear the absence of a thing?
I feel that’s the beating heart of the poem. Thanks for the ride—this is fun!
Thank you! So happy you're enjoying the project!
Oof. Those last lines. Your poem is lovely (and foreboding in the most silent way).
I think I've been absorbing "foreboding" from the air lately. I'm really trying not to give in to doom and gloom, but things just feel so dire. This poem definitely came out of the current moment!
I figured it did. Ugh. I understand. Hugs.
Tara, everyone's spinning over the last two lines of your poem, and with good reason ... !
I finally got organized enough to attempt a poem! The cadence and meter in Millay's lines has been speaking to me, and I wanted to respond in a cadenced way. This week's line just made me sad and sadder, until I Opposite-Day'd it; then things took off.
.
So here's a train pulled in tonight,
its engine fogged with the steam of day,
its wheels agleam in the moon's dim light.
.
My ticket's collected without delay;
I climb aboard and find my berth
and watch as the station pulls away
.
and stars fill my window. And where on earth
am I traveling to? It was not I
who bought that ticket and paid its worth
.
to the station-master, it was not I
who mapped out a trip on this silver track,
all under a dim and moon-dark sky --
.
but the wheels are rolling, I can't go back.
My berth is warm and the stars are bright,
and I'm off, adrift, but there's nothing I lack,
.
and something in me is taking flight
here on this train as we ride the night.
Elizabeth! Hooray! I'm so glad you're here. And your poem is so delicately crafted, and it rhymes! That's a super power. I particularly love how "the station pulls away" instead of the train. It really puts the speaker and the journey the center of this poem's universe. And thank you for dropping so many lovely comments and encouragement for everybody. You're a gem.
Thanks so much, Tara! 💛🌿
This looks very interesting. I just subscribed with the hopes to get involved every now and then! It reminds me of something we did in one of the poetry classes for my M.A. in Creative Writing!
Hooray! Delighted to have you here, Pamela. Participate at any amount that works for you. No rules. Just poetry.
Thank you Tara! I feel as though I’ve been stuck in the new poetry department. This felt like such a great fit!
I love the uncertainty of "Wouldn't I?"
And "how I can be vigilant enough
to hear the absence of a thing" -- that sings!!!
Thank you so much! Really appreciate you taking the time to read.
Great ending to the poem!